Often, when watching movies or reading books and magazines, a romantic aura is created around things that can even be dangerous in real life.
For example, we are fascinated by stories of unrequited love or complex relationships; we become accustomed to thinking that strong feelings are always associated with intense pain.
A cynical and generally negative character seems very charming to us, and pregnancy is portrayed as the best time in every woman’s life.
Some phenomena seem completely harmless to us; however, according to psychologists, you just have to change the way you see things, and you’ll see your life improve significantly.
Unrequited love
It’s often believed that the more you love someone, the more intense the pain will be. However, psychologists say this isn’t true because in healthy relationships, there’s no room for constant pain. Experts link our behavior to our parents’ marriage and the relationships between family members during childhood.
According to psychotherapist Robin Norwood, if a girl had an emotionally unavailable father, there is a risk that she will choose indifferent men in adulthood.
The fact is that trying to gain attention and receiving coldness in return is a common communication pattern for this girl.
Norwood is also convinced that children whose parents had some kind of addiction (for example, to alcohol) may also initiate destructive relationships in their adult lives.
Sociopathy
Lately, film directors seem to prefer charming sociopaths as the main characters in their movies. Think of the Sherlock series, where the detective, who struggles to communicate with people, is incredibly appealing: fans love it when he suddenly reveals his feelings.
However, in real life, it would be difficult to maintain a relationship with such an individual, since sociopaths feel no compassion, guilt, or love (the personality disorder is characterized by antisocial behavior and disregard for social norms).
Loneliness
Loneliness is a recurring theme in the portrayal of empathetic literary characters who are often misunderstood. The feeling of being isolated from the outside world can arise both when alone and when in the company of others.
According to neurologist John Kachioppo, we need solitude to develop a desire for relationships. However, this feeling is only beneficial when temporary.
If loneliness becomes chronic, the consequences can be severe: worsening sleep, depression, and other health problems.
In fact, some scientists claim that loneliness is the primary enemy of the heart and blood vessels, increasing the likelihood of premature death by approximately twofold.
Bad boys
The stories of Belle, who transformed the Beast into a prince, and Anastasia Steele from Fifty Shades of Grey, who turned the cold, sadistic man into a loving one, are very popular.
Bad boys, such as Draco Malfoy or Jim Moriarty, seem very appealing. However, in real life, a relationship with a tyrannical partner can lead to a very complicated psychological situation.
Domestic Stockholm syndrome exists: an emotional bond between the victim and the abuser in dominant family relationships. In other words, one spouse (regardless of gender) periodically submits to psychological or physical violence from their partner and perceives it as normal, justifying their loved one’s behavior. Some believe they can “save” their abusive partner with their love and make them change. But psychologists assert: this change is impossible if the abuser themselves doesn’t want it.
Bad Habits
These days, vices are fashionable: smoking, drinking alcohol, and using drugs. A cigarette and a glass of whiskey seem like essential attributes of someone going through a difficult time. Even drugs are shrouded in a romanticized image.
However, psychologists assert that such romanticization has negative consequences, as people become desensitized to the dangers of bad habits.
Even when children, imitating adults, clink glasses of juice, we should be concerned: children become accustomed to the idea that alcohol is an integral part of celebrations.
And alcohol addiction, according to some scientists, is even more dangerous than drug use, since alcohol is more popular and readily available.
Psychological Problems
Instagram bloggers tend to downplay depression as a defining feature of their photos. However, neither depression nor anorexia nor any other psychological problem or eating disorder is attractive. Its romanticization in the media has led people to blame any failure or mistake on mental disorders: a little fear is considered a panic attack, and being in a bad mood or depression.
Giving yourself unnecessary diagnoses is dangerous, as you shouldn’t play around with medication. And people who genuinely need help can easily get lost among those who invent illnesses to feel different.
Help Orphanages
Many people make charity a part of their public image, but helping orphans must be approached with great responsibility.
- Psychologists say that children in orphanages don’t like contests where the winner receives a prize: the children feel offended, may take the winner’s gift, and damage it.
- And some volunteers point out that orphans are often negatively affected by gifts from strangers: the orphans begin to get used to it, even though something entirely different awaits them in adulthood.
Therefore, the distribution of gifts to orphans must be approached seriously and done wholeheartedly, not just for appearances.
According to volunteers, what the children need most is attention: it’s best to spend time with them occasionally or give them lessons or lectures. However, psychologists say that support for the children should be ongoing, as separation from people affects them deeply.
The inability to maintain cleanliness
“Creative chaos” is a popular Instagram hashtag. In this case, the inability to keep workplaces and homes clean can cause many problems.
Scientists see a link between procrastination and the inability to maintain order. In their opinion, a cluttered home leads to mental decline, which becomes more pronounced with age.
Psychologists advise tidying up all your belongings daily. If you do a little cleaning and put things away every day, you won’t have to dedicate an entire day to a deep clean.
Pregnancy
In movies and advertisements, pregnant women radiate happiness, and models and actresses who have given birth sport flawless figures.
However, psychologists warn: don’t forget how different reality is from what’s shown on television and in fashion magazines. Every case is individual, and some women handle pregnancy with ease. However, it’s not necessary to romanticize pregnancy and view it solely as a joy, a miracle, and the best time in a woman’s life.
Doctors recommend remembering that pregnancy is dangerous for the body, so it’s important to study in advance the potential difficulties associated with pregnancy and childbirth, preparing for back pain, mood swings, bloating, heartburn, exacerbation of existing illnesses, and other possible complications.
Furthermore, many women are unprepared for the physical changes brought about by pregnancy and childbirth.
Working for yourself and running a blog
Children in the last century used to say they wanted to be actors, astronauts, or veterinarians; nowadays, the most popular answer to the question about their future profession is that they want to be bloggers. But blogging requires significant investment.
Furthermore, the detailed exposure of their private lives and the attention of others can negatively impact a person’s self-perception and real life. And to become a well-paid freelancer with a stable income, you need considerable experience, as well as your own client base—all of which takes years.
According to psychologists, remote work can negatively affect people. Without communication and a sense of unity with colleagues, depression, social phobia, internet addiction, and a lack of purpose can develop. Remote work requires a great deal of discipline and a willingness to work without sick leave, holidays, or vacations.
The inability to take care of oneself
The casual style that remains fashionable often becomes the common neglect hidden behind the excuse, “I am who I am, and I’m not going to change.” If someone doesn’t know how to choose clothes, take care of themselves, or maintain good personal hygiene, then it seems there’s nothing wrong with that. According to psychologists, a reluctance to learn self-care can indicate chronic self-dissatisfaction.
Psychologists say that in any matter, the most important thing is pleasure. They advise developing good habits, and in the case of a loss of self-love, artificially creating it—practicing in front of a mirror, complimenting yourself. Furthermore, you should learn to notice the traits in yourself that you can fall in love with.
Do you agree with the statement that you shouldn’t measure love by the intensity of the pain it causes you? Which of the points mentioned in our article did you used to romanticize before?